The problem with Sam caring for Nick is not that he’s caring for Nick – that’s entirely in character for Sam – or even necessarily that Mary doesn’t fully understand why that has to be hard for him – because nobody ever fully told her – but it’s that the writers, once again, gave everyone else an opportunity to talk about their Lucifer related trauma but Sam.
I don’t blame Mary or Jack for not fully knowing, because how could they (Castiel is another bag of issues here), but we just sat through two consecutive episodes in which everyone but Sam was allowed to textually acknowledge how difficult it can be to see the face of someone who’s responsible for much of your trauma. I’m tired.
s8-s14 Angels, whenever they get punched by a demon:
sam: meets castiel, an angel, a real angel. sam: super excited and bashful and adorable, despite his absolute shitshow of a life so far castiel: oh yes you’re the demon blood guy sam: 😦
sam: meets god, like actual god he’s been praying to for his whole life sam: super excited and bashful and adorable, wonders if his prayers ‘got lost’, no blame for anything despite his even worse shitshow of a life right now god: why’d you let lucifer out of the cage again huh?? sam: *suffered unimaginably to put lucifer back IN the cage* sam: *really did not let him back out* sam: 😦
I love the image of Sam taking a moment by himself, for himself (and the way he looks around first to be sure he’s really alone), but I also like the irony that Sam ISN’T alone. It may not be intentional on the part of the writers that this rare moment happens during the period when Sam’s privacy is being fundamentally and continuously violated by possession, but it certainly adds a layer.
Also, I think the fact that he’s reading an Oz book in the wake of Charlie says something about the tenuous, indirect ways Sam goes about connection, but also about the ways he seems to find it easiest to have feelings and interests at one remove, triangulating rather than taking a direct line.
I don’t care who you are or what you stan for, the moment you reduce Sam’s desires to leave the hunting life, to get out of the emotionally neglectful and abusive situation, who craved stability and safe that hunting would never provide, who thought the greatest thing was to sit down and have a regular Thanksgiving dinner that he could never have, to just a simple, “he was selfish and abandoned Dean,” you are dead to me.