there’s always that jerk named kevin that shows up in cartoons
it’s a bitch name
anyone remember the kevin story
What is the Kevin story?
someone once made a legendary post on reddit, asking who is the dumbest person youve ever met. Kevin wasn’t special needs or anything, but he sure was one interesting character. the gist of it can be found in these bullet points:
“
It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn’t been wiped off
the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based
on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his
family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic
pinnacle of this null achievement….So here’s a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he’s laughing uncontrollably:”
Kevin
ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next
day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
Kevin’s
dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me…his English teacher.
This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give
to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school,
Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire….twice
Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn’t him.
Kevin
stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it
was ringing. (Not that it wasn’t his, not that he did it…..no, he
denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times
before the end of the year.
Kevin
called the basketball coach a “Motherfucking Bitch” during gym.
Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn’t go
well.
Kevin’s
mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several
meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went
to)
Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
Kevin
kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He
thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and
threw up.
Kevin said the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.
Kevin stole another student’s Iphone….and tried to sell it back to them.
Kevin
didn’t understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes,
homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first
semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
Kevin spit on a girl and said “You should get out of those wet clothes”. The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library…..at the circulation desk….while he was logged on.
Kevin
asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don’t go to
prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
Kevin
regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over,
grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name
on it wherever there was room.
Kevin
had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember
what they were. They were very concerned that “the holiday party” would have peanuts. When they finally
got a doctor’s note….he was allergic to amoxicillin
Kevin
and his parents took a trip to Nassau and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn’t believe
him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing
when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
Kevin’s grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.
more on writing muslim characters from a hijabi muslim girl
– hijabis get really excited over pretty scarves – they also like to collect pins and brooches – we get asked a lot of questions and it can be annoying or it can be amusing, just depends on our mood and personality and how the question is phrased – common questions include: – “not even water?” (referring to fasting) – hijabis hear a lot of “do you sleep in that?” (we don’t) and “where is your hair?” (in a bun or a braid, usually) – “is it mooze-slim or mozzlem?” (the answer is neither, it’s muslim, with a soft s and accent on the first syllable) – “ee-slam or iz-lamb?” (it’s iss-laam, accent on the first syllable) – “hee-job?” (heh-jahb, accent on the second syllable)
– “kor-an?” (no. quran. say it like koor-annn, accent on the second syllable) – people tend to mess up our names really badly and you just get a sigh and a resigned nod or an awkward smile, maybe a nickname instead – long hair is easy to hide, short hair is harder to wrap up – hijab isn’t just covering hair, it’s also showing as little skin as possible with the exception of face, hands, and feet, and not wearing tight/sheer clothing – that applies to men too, people just don’t like to mention it ( i wonder why) – henna/mehendi isn’t just for special occasions, you’ll see people wearing it for fun – henna/mehendi isn’t just for muslims, either, it’s not a religious thing – henna/mehendi is not just for women, men also wear it, especially on their weddings – there are big mehendi parties in the couple of nights before eid where people (usually just women and kids) gather and do each other’s mehendi, usually just hands and feet – five daily prayers – most muslim kids can stutter through a couple verses of quran in the original arabic text by the age of seven or eight, it does not matter where they live or where they’re from or what language they speak natively – muslim families tend to have multiple copies of the quran – there are no “versions” of the quran, there has only ever been one. all muslims follow the exact same book – muslims have no concept of taking God’s name in vain, we call on God at every little inconvenience – don’t use islamic phrases if you don’t know what they mean or how to use them. we use them often, inside and outside of religious settings. in islam, it is encouraged to mention God often and we say these things very casually, but we take them very seriously – Allahu Akbar means “God is Greatest” (often said when something shocks or surprises us, or if we’re scared or daunted, or when something amazing happens, whether it be good or bad; it’s like saying “oh my god”) – Subhan Allah means “Glory be to God” (i say subhan Allah at the sky, at babies, at trees, whatever strikes me as pleasant, especially if it’s in nature) – Bismillah means “in the name of God” and it’s just something you say before you start something like eating or doing your homework – In Shaa Allah means “if God wills” (example: you’ll be famous, in shaa Allah) (it’s a reminder that the future is in God’s hands, so be humble and be hopeful)
– Astaghfirullah means “i seek forgiveness from Allah” and it’s like “god forgive me” – Alhamdulillah means “all thanks and praise belong to God” and it’s just a little bit more serious than saying “thank god” (example: i passed my exams, alhamdulillah; i made it home okay, alhamdulillah) – when i say we use them casually, i really mean it – teacher forgot to assign homework? Alhamdulillah – our version of “amen” is “ameen” – muslims greet each other with “assalamu alaikum” which just means “peace be on you” and it’s like saying hi – the proper response is “walaikum assalam” which means “and on you be peace” and it’s like saying “you too”
As a Muslim this post is so very important and it makes me so happy that it gives the small facts and details that one might be unaware of or confused about.
So, as a fan of the original Harry Potter series, I, like everyone else, was thoroughly disappointed at the revelation in the new fantastic beasts trailer that the mysterious South Korean character (who I was really excited for, to be honest) is none other than the pet of Lord Voldemort.
I think little explanation is required as to why “Asian woman character will one day irreversibly transform into a snake that will carry a portion of Wizard Hitler’s soul” is a highly gross concept, so instead, I’m gonna be starting a challenge!
The abbreviated title is The WoC OC Challenge, just because Write Original Women of Color Characters within the HP universe with better backstories than whatever bullshit JK Spewed out of her mouth Challenge doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
The rules are as follows: Write the names of original characters of yours that are both Women of Color and exist within the framework of the Harry Potter universe (Try to keep it between 1 and 5). Add some backstory to your characters, including where they’re from, what they look like, and any specific magical talents they have. Tag 3 people (if you want) when you’re finished. Mentally tell JK to stuff it.
i will write a show and call it watson. holmes will be a black british guy and john will be chinese and they will kiss at the end of the first episode
feat. john taking every opportunity to go ‘trust me, i’m a doctor’ and sherlock yelling after him ‘i’m a doctor too! i have a phd in ancient greek!’
an adaptation in which they have actually been roommates since college and so instead of watching them meet for the first time we jump straight to the bickering boyfriends dynamic
i will fully admit that i haven’t read acd’s novels in forever but i seem to recall that holmes is canonically really good at boxing and stuff so please take a second to imagine this tiny chinese med student with messy hair and dark circles rolling up his sleeves all ready to take on a bunch of blokes twice his size at the pub
and sherlock is like ‘i don’t want to do this but you leave me no choice’ and just picks him up and puts him over his shoulder ala terry jeffords and rosa diaz while john is going ‘PUT ME DOWN SHERLOCK’
‘IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD’
‘PUT ME DOWN I’M GOING TO FIGHT THEM’
‘YOU’LL THANK ME LATER’
5000000/10 would watch!
Watson and Holmes.
Totally in favor of this
*slams the reblog button with my entire heart and soul*
Reblog if you are a greedy gay hoarding refracted light all for your greedy gay self
I totally am, but also: I have a story. The time: 1995. The place: a small liberal arts college. We decided to participate in “denim day” which was a widespread event wherein on National Coming Out Day, you would wear denim to indicate SUPPORT FOR the LGBT community. Our support group made posters that were very, very clear about this. Wearing denim did not mean that you were coming out, it meant you supported anyone around you who might.
I have never seen so many suits and khakis IN MY LIFE. People who accidentally wore jeans went home and changed.
The community took it as a rebuke. We drew in closer to eachother, and felt unwelcome everywhere we thought we had friends before.
And I had people later tell me “You know I support you, just… I didn’t want anyone to think I was.” First off, I DON’T know you support me. Not if you refuse to, for one day, change nothing about your life to show it. Second off… why is that such a terrifying thought to you?
I remember before rainbows were a “gay thing”. They were everywhere. Church walls next to arks. School walls next to sunshine faces. People have VOLUNTARILY abandoned every other use. I have HEARD PEOPLE SAY they just couldn’t use rainbows anymore because people would think of “gay stuff.”
So I know this is a joke, and a stolen one at that, but you’ve done this to yourselves. If someone is so terrified of being perceived as queer that they will INSTANTLY abandon something they like if it has queer germs on it now or something, then they don’t deserve refracted light.
Maybe help us change the world into a place where being mistaken for queer would be just a thing to chuckle about and you can have refracted light back.
The LGBTQ+ community didn’t steal the rainbow. The straights abandoned it.
artherra 