Tag: personal

For people who are leaving tumblr:

You can find me on

• twitter as @typhonscience

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She stared into the window. The night was dark enough that she could clearly see the reflection of the furniture, but the angle at which she sat thankfully hid her own shaking form from her sight.

“G-d, tell me, what’s the point – what’s the point of living in a cruel world?” It sounded pathetic, dumb, even to her own ears, it sounded too much like begging she swore so much to be above.

The fear stayed. “It’s too much. Everything’s too much,” she inhaled, voice shaking. “If happiness is about being aware of our influence, our significance – why do we live in a world where more controls us than we can control? Why do we live in a world so set on hiearchy, on luck? Is there any point in significance, if all we have is just the illusion of it?”

Her exhausted brain imagined what they would say, how they’d react, without her wanting it.

You’re too arrogant, too narcissistic-,

The world wasn’t saved by whining-

Too ambicious, hypocritical, sensitive. Typical-

The fear returned, stabbed through her chest like an iron rod, making her fight for her breath before she could force out the words. “No, no, no, I don’t want to die. I never said that. I’d rather run from my problems than end them permanently.”

“Just tell me, whoever you are… What’s the point of living?”

“What’s the point, when all we do is just exist?”

There was no answer.

– unrelated excerpt from the thoughts that appeared, stuck and lingered.

I think a big part of why gen z culture is like this is because we’re almost too aware of our own insignificance. We are bombarded each day with news depicting how the world is ending, history repeating itself, injustice everywhere, morality gone and no real way to save or solve anything. We grew up on dystopian books, apocalyptic worlds, rebellion, death and fallen empires and then we see it play out in reality. It’s depressing, it’s shoking, it’s infuriating, and most importantly – we can’t do anything about it.

Like, I recently watched Interstellar, and while my mother complained about not understanding the sub-plots, I was sitting there, trying to process the fact that the world is dying in real life. Perhaps not the same way, but it is. (With global warming, we’re halfway to the critical temperature. Perhaps, our children will know that conifers existed only from books and from stories. Think about that for a second.)

But we have no miracle “flying to another inhabitable planet” solution here. We aren’t even close. Even if we had, nobody would be using it because the world is ruled by the rich and ignorant, and losing money in saving people is the last thing people like that want.

So we, here, children who should be first and foremost caring about grades and first crushes and learning are instead stuck in this hellstate of helplessness.

And that makes us angry. Furious. Depressed. Exhausted.

All of that.

We are like this because of one simple fact: We don’t want to die in a world we couldn’t save.

PSA to people I talk to: if I ask you to show me a picture of a thing you’re talking about or ask you for explanation for something I could’ve googled in under 5 seconds, I’m doing that bc I wanna hear you opinion!! Or see your favorive picture! I don’t mean to be annoying but if I am I am very sorry