the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
fuck the dragon.
@splickedylit
In response to this thread, I would say that that nat 20 represents the bard’s pick up line pinging the dragon’s kinks perfectly
Creatures rated by likelihood to go for the bard, according to this chart:
Dragons & Nymphs
Fiends & Celestials
Dryads
Sprites
Satyr
Giant
Creature least likely to go for the bard:
Lizardfolk
Moral of the story:
you can fuck the dragon, but you can’t fuck the humanoid lizardperson 🦎
How come Tony Stark gets to fight villains naked all the time in the comics but not in the movies? I am being denied my rights!
Umm OP I need some evidence (PICTURES GIVE ME PICTURES)
Never let it be said that I don’t give the people what they want (UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE *side eyes Marvel*)
A better question is why the fuck is he naked under his armour?? Wouldn’t that hurt? If you wanna get stark naked he’s gotta have clothes to begin with
You’re right. We deserve naked Tony AND the undersuit.
i can’t believe op didn’t include avengers prime, which is perhaps my favorite instance of Naked Tony Stark™
JUST DO IT MARVEL! IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO AFTER THE BULLSHIT THAT WAS THE LAST 3 AVENGERS MOVIES
SHOW US THE IRONDICK
Omg. Its back.
So thats where we got the term ‘Stark Naked’ literally naked Tony Stark omg im wheezing
it got better
I’m sorry, are you telling me there was an occasion where a naked Tony Stark flicked a flower and a few blades of grass at a someone and got a reaction that wasn’t “are you serious”???
#you know who would put the irondick in? taika #he would put the most glorious stark naked u ever saw in a4 I stg
This person knows what they’re talking about
Bless me.
This is the most ridiculous thirst post ever. Thank you.
Give us the irondick.
Now that we’ve seen the bat dick, can we see the irondick?? I mean I know the batdick isn’t from the same universe but mARVEL, IF DC GAVE US WHAT WE DIDN’T WANT WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE US WHAT WE WANT???
It’s occurred to me that RDJ might be uncomfortable doing this. Of course, the comfort of the actors is always a concern to me. As such, if it comes to that, I suggest either a body double or CGI.
RDJ would most likely be comfortable with it as long as he actual dick was covered.
He’s got mostly naked before.
Dick out or nothing. #give the irondick liberty or give us death
I mean. His children are watching this movies if i were him i wouldn’t like them to see the irondick u know?
Cover their eyes
cover their eyes.
That’s what I do with my brother when we watch game of thrones
*winston duke voice* uhh this is a Disney movie
Tell Disney to meet me in the pit.
Viva le revoldicktion
Viva le revoldicktion
*le gasp* ITS BACK!
I will never leave, never rest, not until we have been granted our Stan Lee granted RIGHTS!
iron dick, iron dick, iron dick, irON DICK, IRON DICK,
if iron man was a girl this thread would not exist
You’ve chosen the wrong person — because not only am I bisexual, I am all for destroying this country’s weird discomfort with sex and nudity where graphic violence isn’t as bad as showing a butt for five seconds.
I dont know if I’m proud or dissapointed. This is the largest thread I’ve ever read , and it’s about Tony Stark’s dick.
Interesting question: Is this thread as long as the irondick? We don’t know because Marvel won’t show us!
please why does this keep showing up on my dash
*ominous chanting* Iron-Dick, Iron-Dick,
Iron-Dick, Iron-Dick, Iron-Dick,
Iron-Dick, IRON-DICK
The devil works hard …
but the leader of le Revoldicktion works harder
It’s nice to be appreciated.
This post is too fuckin large…. kinda like the irondick
No, perfect size, also like the irondick.
this post has appeared before me yet again
unlike the irondick
juST MAKE THE MOVIES R-18 AND DONE
GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT
rdj has had his dick out on set for like the last 30 years that man don’t give a fuck. less than zero? naked fur? naked wonder boys? mostly naked friends & lovers? wearing panties and also naked restoration? he literally runs down a hall with nothing more than feathers? attached to his dick 1969? almost naked, runs around in his underwear sherlock holmes? mostly naked random photoshoots? mostly naked
he’d do a naked tony scene faster than you could say “give me the irondick”
Only thing stopping us now is Marvel. Now, I maybe only five feet tall and completely non-intimidating on a physical level, but for the Revoldicktion? You better your ass I would fight them and WIN.
the fact that @ironmanstan had nothing to do with this post (as far as I know) is astounding
Ikr?? @ironmanstan where you at? How has this not summoned you?
artherra 