i imagine getting my own place all the time and going down to the grocery store early in the morning before everyone else and to the coffee shop and having a really small place with wide windows and lots of plants and shelves of books and a tiny kitchen where i can make tea and noodles and a bed with a pile of blankets and just a place i can make uniquely my own or maybe a place i could share with someone but i just think about this place a lot idk
One of my professors is an extremely famous, well-known painter who has been in galleries since he was a young man in the 80s. He once asked me in class, “Alyssa, what are your dreams and aspirations for the future?”
You should have seen the puzzled look on his face when I described something similar to the post above.
“Why so humble?!” He laughed. “You know you’re talented, right? You could aspire to a lot more than that for sure.”
And I had to take that moment to explain to him that this is what my generation is given, this is how low our standards for happiness have to be. A humble existence, a small piece of the world for ourselves, and comfortable stability are just as out of reach for some of us as fame and reknown was for him in the 80’s. His face went somber immediately.
do you ever feel yourself slowly losing your current hyperfixation but you’re not particularly interested in anything else rn so you have nothing to fill that void and ur just bored and ready for death
Lets talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends and family that you have this heavy feeling in your chest for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand why you’re having a panic attack while just taking a walk back home. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand your own self and how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why .
It so hard to start a conversation and say hello, I’m sad for no reason and you’re just going to have to deal with it. No, not much you can do will fix it. Yes, it will be irrational and will never make any sense to you. But you have to deal with it because I can’t change. I have a lifelong dehabilitating disease.
some people are just so negative. like i don’t mean people who are depressed or w/e i mean people who just go out of their way to be like. cruel and degrading all the time. like life is way too short for that shit. hope they get over it tbh. but i am not putting up with that no siree
i love it when people tell you that your mental disorders are fake. like…why would i be suffering like this and wasting my youth, which is meant to be the best years of my life, for pretend?
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I used escapist fantasies as a coping mechanism to get through years of trauma and therefore never learned how to plan for a real life future
Alternatively: I went through periods of depression so frequent and intense that I never considered that I’d actually make it to my 20s so now I’m kinda just making it up as I go
Daily dilemma: Am I just a lazy spoiled child or seriously mentally ill? Who knows? Definitely not me
artherra 