What if instead of gilly weed Harry had showed up to the black lake challenge in muggle scuba gear like “like where’s your advanced magic now bitches? Got me a free fishing knife with this thing”
Honestly I just want an AU where Harry approached all his magical problems with muggle solutions. Nobody knows how to handle it because he’s supposed to be there learning magic but you know what, it fucking works.
Give me Harry Potter who is like fucking MacGuyver up in this shit, creating his own non-magical solutions to magical problems.
“Potter how did you get past the enchanted keys to the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
“I used a fucking net.”
“How did you get past the dragon?”
Harry shines a little red light on the wall “works on cats, why not a dragon”
“How did you get through the hedge maze?”
“Weed-b-gone, it’s like a pound. Nothing will ever grow there again”
Thor, turning to Tony: He says this stupid damn city needs more flowers and pollen-bearing plants because you’re making him have to work a 16-hour shift every day just to feed his wife and kids
Tony: What the fuck Thor we’ve talked about this
Dog: *Bark bark bark*
Thor, sternly: No, Captain America’s pants are not fit for consumption
Steve, with no idea that Thor can speak dog: ???!?!????!!!??
Fly: *hums*
Thor, leaping from his chair: Oh what the FUCK did you say about my hair?? Oh you want to fuckign go do you?? Is that what you fucking want??? Well Step the FUCK UP then you stupid ass buzzy BITCH *summons lightning*
DUM-E: *Beep boops*
Thor, patting Tony on the back: well done my friend
Tony: For what?
Thor: Your robot is telling me all about how well his dad oiled up his joints this morning and keeps saying ‘I love him’ on repeat. He has been doing this for an hour.
Tony, immediately tearing up: oh my fucking god Thor
if you ever feel left out just remember that you weren’t the fifth gryffindor guy in the marauders’ dormitory
I don’t know if the timeline works even a little bit but my headcanon was always that that fifth dude was Kingsley Shacklebolt and that he immediately made a conscious decision to stay the hell away from whatever those four idiots were up to and everyone was like “Yeah, good kid, studies hard, probably gonna be Minister one day if he manages to last his entire school career without committing four murders”.
Kingley Shacklebolt is probably the best roommate ever. The reason he never gets mentioned as the fifth is because he doesn’t ask questions. The other five start disappearing all night every full moon during fifth year? He doesn’t care and doesn’t want to know. Walked in to find Sirius talking to a fucking deer in the dorm like it was James? Just keep moving and don’t make eye contact. James, Sirius and Peter leaving shit all over the floor? Combine forces with Remus to politely yet firmly remind them that we’re not living in a goddamn barn and your dirty underwear shouldn’t spend three weeks straight on the floor James.
Kingsley was, naturally, invited to the Potter-Evans wedding. The invitation was accompanied with a formal apology for the Everything, signed by the Marauders. Enclosed was a little trophy, with the plaque reading ‘best roomie ever’
It may or may not permanently live on his mantle. Kingsley Shacklebolt does not inform Harry Potter of any of this. He has enough people that knew his parents, Kingsley’s not going to make it weird. Keep moving and don’t make eye contact. Besides, he already gave copies of all his pictures of them to Hagrid to go into a photo album for Harry back in first year.
I’d love it if, one episode, instead of finding out that a now-ghost had been cremated, the body was instead just in this really ridiculous place? Like… maybe they were buried in the country of their birth? Or at the top of their favourite mountain? Maybe they got buried in an avalance and never found? Or maybe they were buried at sea.
… What I’m saying is, we have so many options out there to make life more dificult for the Winchesters. Let’s take them.
“Was he cremated?”
“Uh, actually, no. He had a ton of money and nothing to buy for it, so he ordered his body to be shot into space after he dies.”
“…shit”
“Actually he was encased in concrete and turned into part of the foundation for the bank down the road. Good luck with that.”
“That idiot fell into a radioactive waste tank. Nobody bothered to try to get him out of it, it’s too dangerous! So yeah, he never got a proper funeral, instead he’s buried under concrete in a locked tank of extremely dangerous vaste somewhere in Europe. Idiot.”
non-autistic authors write autistic characters all the time. they just don’t realize it. they’d rather not admit it most of the time, either.
the thing is, non-autistic people have met autistic people more than enough times. however, due to their stereotypes about autism, they often can’t identify it as autism. they see something is up, but they can’t put their finger on just what is up.
so they see people like us and they know the ‘archetype’ which is autistic people. they write us all the time: airheaded professors, awkward nerds, pent up geniuses, etc.
when autistic people point out how strikingly obvious it is that this character is autistic, they usually deny it, or at best, they say the character is ‘if anything, extremely high functioning’, which is more of a kick in the gut than a confirmation. we hardly get those, either.
so, here’s the thing: there are some characters that are very obviously autistic to actual autistic people. pearl from steven universe and papyrus from undertale are two of the most agreed upon examples that i’ve seen. nearly ever autistic fan of steven universe i met says, “yeah, she’s autistic”, and the same goes for papyrus.
when we, as a community, bring this up, however, we are shot down. “oh, he’s not autistic.” i once was told that – ironic as it was – my headcanoning papyrus as autistic offended autistic people or hurt autistic people. but i’m autistic and they weren’t.
two autistic people were both agreeing – damn, this character is blatantly autistic – but non-autistic people felt the need to but in and say how horrible it was to “project” onto characters with such a horrible thing.
listen, if you aren’t autistic and you’re reading this –
if an autistic person says a character is autistic, can you just shut up about it?
because if you’ve watched any amount of tv, read any amount of books, whatever – if you’ve consumed stories, there are tons of autistic characters in them.
just because neither you nor the media’s creators knows shit about autism doesn’t mean that the character can’t be autistic.
either way, it’s none of your business.
we have little to none confirmed representation that isn’t terrible and inconsiderately offensively written.
find something better to do with your time.
NT Author: *Writes lovingly nuanced character who is quirky, shy, physically sensitive, socially awkward, clumsy, brilliant at a few special topics and has the capacity to grow and learn friendship and love in a nontraditional way*
NT Author: They can’t possibly be autistic!
NT Author: I’m gonna write an autistic character!
NT Author: “Doesn’t talk, rocks back and forth, loves trains”
Gonna say this as an author:
It is 100% okay to use the phrase “well, they are now.”
If a ton of people approach you with a character you didn’t realize you coded autistic, and they’re like “fuck yeah, autistic character!”
You can 100% say “I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing, but you know what? Sure. With the number of people who see it, I’m not gonna say no. They’re autistic now.”
Nobody worth having around is going to be offended by that.
OH, DO I? (Spoiler: I do.) These are not gonna read like a story with continuity but like an explosion of plot bunnies that are all near and dear to my charred and empty heart and frolic freely in the garden of my mind:
Okay but: tiny Sam using magic unaware for the first time when he’s a kid. He has a “bad dream” about Dean and John getting in trouble with a giant black dog-thing and Dean almost getting hurt, but something protects Dean and keeps the creature from causing him harm. Sam doesn’t know about hunting at all, so he just assumes the whole thing was a weird dream.
Consider: psychic!witch!Sam. Twice the ability to protect and get in trouble! Twice the reason for his family to look at him like he’s a particular dangerous piece of moldy bread.
BBC MERLIN AU WITH SAM IN THE ROLE OF MERLIN? ♥
No wait. Crossover. Sam and Merlin would be such great friends. My sassy, suffering children.
It’s very, very hard to imagine John being okay with Sam practicing any kind of witchcraft/magic, so how about: AU where Sam grows up with Bobby and sometimes Rufus. He devours literally all the books. Even though he doesn’t really go hunting with John and Dean, he does everything he can to make sure they’re protected.
Obligatory SamMax canon AU: Max teaches Sam witchcraft and also flirting with guys. *wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean?*
Sam as promising witch being taken in and mentored by Rowena, who is vocally critical of his way too nice way of practicing the craft but secretly respects the ever-living stuffing out of his skills and thinks it’s a shame he’s not willing to kill people, because he’d be a force to be reckoned with in her circles.
“Sam, Darling, won’t you join my mega-coven?” *Sam, probably curing cancer or something* “….No.”
Patrick the Poker Witch taking Sam in and teaching him his trade. Yum, Immortal Poker Witch!Sam. Patrick was awesome. Seriously. I loved him. I totally headcanon he and Sam stay in contact and that’s why Sam’s so good with all those spells. For sure.
Hermit witch!Sam as hunter resource who gives no shits about what the hunting community thinks about him but is actually highly respected (after probably about a decade of Sam being ostracized) and sought out.
Witch!Sam’s magical animal shelter don’t say it ain’t so. Animals everywhere. Piles of them. Oodles and bunches. Fur everywhere. Happy Sam.
I have tons of witch!Sam headcanons and many lovely people have shared theirs, and I archive them all here. And there’s also a witch!Sam tag for lovely art and aesthetics and gifs by people. ♥
artherra 