i don’t know how people feel about harley having actual powers but the idea of her being able to pull off ridiculous, “cartoon logic” things like in who framed roger rabbit or looney tunes or tom and jerry whereas every one else has to adhere strictly to “real world” logic is something that I very much want
things like her pulling her giant mallet out of no where or having endlessly deep pockets on her skin tight jester suit
or her having a wile e coyote and road runner relationship with Batman
Harley chasing Batman going through different doors in a hallway and coming out other doors like in scooby doo
Harley painting a hyper realistic alleyway on the side of a building, Batman cruises straight through it in the Batmobile but Harley tries to run through and gets flattened
That last one indicates that it’s a cosmic power that she can’t fully control and doesn’t even always work in her favor, and that somehow makes it even better.
the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
fuck the dragon.
@splickedylit
In response to this thread, I would say that that nat 20 represents the bard’s pick up line pinging the dragon’s kinks perfectly
Creatures rated by likelihood to go for the bard, according to this chart:
Dragons & Nymphs
Fiends & Celestials
Dryads
Sprites
Satyr
Giant
Creature least likely to go for the bard:
Lizardfolk
Moral of the story:
you can fuck the dragon, but you can’t fuck the humanoid lizardperson 🦎
artherra 