A manual outlining the fundamentals of the local language
A portion of land with a fixer-upper of a keep
The finest hound from the kennels
A large, unidentified, jewel encrusted egg
The captain of the guard as a retainer
A map detailing the location of a mythic treasure
The book of vile darkness
A willow extract that cures headaches
A book of coupons (near expiry)
A great list! I hope you don’t mind my adding ten of my own…
Access to a library where PCs can find a book that will give them a +2 bonus on any one knowledge check should they spend a few hours searching and reading among its tomes (cannot be retried until player has put at least one more rank in that skill)
A painting/statue of a subject of their choice
Access to a restricted area or person (thieves guild fence, head alchemist, the prisons, etc)
10-25% discount on any items in a store
Permission to court/marry a family member without the family taking action against it
Approval to teleport to this (or the NPCs) location at any time, should they need a quick check in or a place to hide. If its a place, the NPC will ensure that the area is stocked with bed rolls, water and basic food, as well as a couple healing items, once a week.
A broken artifact and a rumor of where it can be reforged
A new, trained, animal companion
The friendship, loyalty, and trust of an NPC
A +2 bonus (diplomacy or the like) on any negotiations of rewards to be given from this NPC, or anyone in the NPC’s social network
I’ve got a few of these on my blog as well. I’ve started calling them Community Lists (and I will add that tag to the older lists someday, I promise).
1. The usage of a scrying well, although they’ll need to bring something from the place, or person, they wish to scry on. 2. Passage out of town before they find you. 3. A Community list of non-monetary rewards! 4. A way back into the towns good graces. 5. A hint of what’s happening in the town. What’s, /really/, happening. 6. A reluctant backstab, and a deeper understanding of just how deep the rabbit hole goes. 7. A better understanding of why the “Villain/s” does what they do. And an inkling, that there are other forces at work. 8. Information of rites you can perform at a place of worship for a boon. 9. Information of rites you can perform at a place of worship to prevent a boon. 10. Safe passage into a secure location, but you’re on your own from there friend.
and because 3 was a joke. 11. An answer to a question you didn’t know you wanted to ask.
the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
fuck the dragon.
@splickedylit
In response to this thread, I would say that that nat 20 represents the bard’s pick up line pinging the dragon’s kinks perfectly
Creatures rated by likelihood to go for the bard, according to this chart:
Dragons & Nymphs
Fiends & Celestials
Dryads
Sprites
Satyr
Giant
Creature least likely to go for the bard:
Lizardfolk
Moral of the story:
you can fuck the dragon, but you can’t fuck the humanoid lizardperson 🦎
artherra 